I’ve pondered this for quite some time, when Boot Camp appeared on my radar. I felt God’s nudge saying, “I’m going to use this to equip you for the next part of your journey.” So I stepped out in obedience, and all of the pieces snap neatly into place.
Take a deep, cleansing breath and relax, I thought. The assignments began to come and I was excited. Writing is energizing. Without warning, the doubts begin to settle in again, more intense, disturbing. My husband pursues a job that takes him away from home 26 weeks a year.
Dear God, I can barely do this with him here. How will I ever find time to write being a single parent half the year? Is Boot Camp a waste of time? Is my husband’s job opportunity confirmation that I’m supposed to quit writing for this season?
I seemed to toss on waves of uncertainty. Unsettled in my every thought. Instead of turning to the One who has the answers, I found myself entertaining fear and doubt. Then, out of the blue, I remembered a pastor friend’s response to me during a time of need: “Don’t worry. Daddy’s got this.”
His use of the word “Daddy” caught me off guard. He didn’t say, “Your Daddy” or “Our Daddy”. No, he was referring to God simply as “Daddy”. He spoke of God as though “Daddy” was His name. Intellectually, I knew this was the level of intimacy our Creator desired, but it had never penetrated my heart before that exchange.
During the course of our day, I'll tell my children, “Daddy called,” or “Daddy will be home around 5,” or “Daddy will take care of that when he gets home.” “Daddy” is his name. No one else calls my husband “Daddy,” except me and our four children.
When I received those words of encouragement from my pastor-friend, I felt God in a more intimate way. I felt like a little girl sitting in her father’s lap, safe and secure in knowing he would take care of the situation.
Last week, rocked by a tsunami of doubt, I once again felt the reassurance of Daddy’s big, strong arms holding me. How silly of me to worry. God delivered every client to my door, so to speak. Each project had its own God story. The most remarkable is He gave me a detailed playbook for contacting the authors: a couple who had already published multiple books and with a successful international ministry. They received my correspondence as an answer to prayer because God orchestrated every detail. A humbling, awe-inspiring reminder it isn’t about me at all. My writing is about His plan, His purpose, His Kingdom.
Why do I doubt when I have seen His hand over and over again in provision. Somehow I lose sight of Him, and I start looking at me. I’m sure I’ll do it again. But for now, I know Daddy’s got this. He is able to bring clients my way: the right ones at the right time. I just have to keep listening for His voice. Right now, it’s saying, “Get to Boot Camp. Get equipped so you are ready for My next assignment.”
Janey Goude and her husband of twenty years homeschool their four children, ranging from elementary school to high school. She enjoys exploring God’s open doors in writing, editing, and collaboration. You can read her blog at http://community.advanceweb.com/blogs/pt_4/default.aspx
